Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just cropdusted the office
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize