Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
