I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
