Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
