i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
