Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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