I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
