this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
