My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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