Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
