some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize