my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
