I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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