Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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