White coat. Heels.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
