Christians are straight up FREAKS
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
