i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
