it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
