I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
