I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
