you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
