FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
