and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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