i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
