whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
