You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
