just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
