tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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