I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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