I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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