Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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