You work out of a Hotel?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
