she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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