You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
