I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
