Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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