I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
