that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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