Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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