Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
