I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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