I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
