How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
