Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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