Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
