Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
