he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
