Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
