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Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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