I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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