I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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