In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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