I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize