that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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