would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
