So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
