clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can you bring me the toilet please
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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