I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
