Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
