Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
