Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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