sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
