She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
