I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
