Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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