We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
