I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
