hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
