hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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