Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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